Blue & Gold Illustrated: America's Foremost Authority on Notre Dame Football
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54 NOV. 29, 2025 BLUE & GOLD ILLUSTRATED "It's about turning the pain into pur- pose, transforming a personal hell into a guiding light for others. I want them to know that it's OK to fall apart, and it's even more powerful to put yourself back together, piece by piece, on your own terms." — Trevor Ruhland I n the two and half months since for- mer Notre Dame offensive lineman Trevor Ruhland took a leap of faith and poured out what he framed as "the raw and ugly truth" for all the world to see, one of the most soul-stirring mo- ments came via Facebook Messenger the other day. An 8-year-old boy came across the self-penned, three-part series Ruhland shared on BlueandGold.com during Notre Dame football's first bye week, in September. Ruhland was open about his struggles with life after football, which included an eating disorder that caused the once 6-foot-4, 305-pound offen- sive guard to lose 150 of those pounds over two years. "I lost half my body weight," Ruh- land wrote, "lost my strength, lost my personality, lost my faith, lost my drive, and almost lost my family. I spent 23 years building myself up, about two years tearing myself down, and now working to find the right balance." But Ruhland also shared his strides and surges. Like so many readers who took in Ruhland's journey, this young kid was moved by the courage it took to be an open book. So, he took a leap of faith himself. What that looked like was asking to use his mom's Facebook account to reach out to Ruhland to arrange a meet- ing to talk. And Ruhland does a lot of talking these days, to others about what was shared in that series, which we're shar- ing with our Blue & Gold Illustrated magazine subscribers — Part 1 in this issue, and Parts 2 & 3 in the next one. "The moment that stuff got put up and published, my phone blew up," Ruhland said. "Those next few days, it was crazy. Trying to sit here and do my day job, I felt like a high school kid studying. I had to go lock my phone in another room without being distracted, right? But it's been really eye-opening, to be honest. "I've gone to different universities now and spoke about my story, basically reiterating in person what I wrote down. I've got hooked up with this really cool group, doing a lot of life after sports and mental coaching as well, called Axe Sports Group. We're doing some really cool stuff. "So, it's been really eye-opening and also rewarding seeing how many different people struggle with similar things that I have. And, you know, when we first connected, it was a topic that not many people talked about — men- tal health post-football, trying to find identity. "It's tough for anybody when they lose something they've put so much time into. But no, since the stories were published, it's been all good things, I feel as healthy and as alive as ever. This was just part of that healing process. Very glad I did it, and the world's been crazy since then." The best kind of crazy. And the best kind of humbling, too. To see attitudes shift and lives change trajectory — and hope well up inside that 8-year-old boy who reached out. "I think my biggest message, when I spoke with him and when I had the op- portunity to speak with some kids that are still in college, is I don't have all the answers. I really don't. It's really a case- by-case thing. But you have to be able to rely on the people that you love and care about the most. "I think something that's a big chal- lenge with young men — it's trying to be vulnerable. And that's something I still struggle with every day, is expressing my emotions, vulnerability. And what I say is, 'It's OK to not be OK, but it is not OK to not reach out and get help.' I wasted so much time lying to myself, ly- ing to people around me that I was OK, when I really needed to rely on people to help lift me up. "So, that's what I say, is that the people that love and care about you — your family, your friends, your religion, people around you — they're there to help you. You have to be able to have the courage, the strength to reach out and to ask for help. Being vulnerable and open like that, I think, is a sign of strength. "We're men. We're supposed to be tough, but it's OK to get beaten down. You've got to be able to rely on the peo- ple that care about you to get out of that darkness." One of those people for Trevor was his wife, Nina, who ran the Chicago Marathon with him last month. On Nov. 22, they returned together to Notre Dame Stadium to take in the Senior Day matchup against Syracuse, six years af- ter Ruhland's own Senior Day. "It's tough to replace playing in front of 80,000 people, playing at Virginia Tech," he said, "playing in all the cool baseball stadiums that we've gotten to do. But you've got to be able to transi- tion and to find joy in the smaller things in life — your friends, your family, your health — because those are the things that really matter." ✦ Former Irish offensive lineman Trevor Ruhland (2015-19) said the response to sharing his story has been "eye-opening" and "rewarding," and that he feels as healthy and as alive as ever. PHOTO BY LON HORWEDEL Turning Pain Into Purpose Eric Hansen covers Notre Dame athletics for On3, with a focus on Irish football. He can be reached on X @ EHansenND THE DEEP READ ERIC HANSEN