Blue & Gold Illustrated: America's Foremost Authority on Notre Dame Football
Issue link: https://comanpub.uberflip.com/i/1541687
Editor's Note: This is the third in the three-part series from former Notre Dame offensive lineman Trevor Ruhland (2015- 19), which appeared in full on BlueandGold. com in September. Ruhland gave his first- person perspective on the physical after- math of his college football career, finding purpose in the working world, his ongoing relationship with the game and much more. It's weird how sports fandom shifted for me. When you're in it, truly in the trenches, it's not really about being a fan of the game itself, at least not in the same way. You're a fan of your team, your brothers, your own performance. You live and breathe the minutiae of practice and game plans. Once I was out, watching games felt different. Sometimes, I'd catch my- self analyzing plays, seeing the game through the offensive linemen's eyes, remembering the feel of the turf, the smell of sweat and grass. But other times, it just felt … distant. Like watching a movie you used to be a character in. There's a bittersweetness to it. You miss it like hell, but you also know the cost. You see your old teammates, still bat- tling, and a part of you aches to be there, but another part is grateful for the quiet. The roaring crowd, the electric atmo- sphere — it's all still there, but it's no longer my roar, my electricity. It's theirs. WATCHING NFL CAREERS FROM AFAR It's a strange feeling, seeing my friends still playing. Some are in the NFL, living out the dream we all chased. I watch them on Sundays, recognizing their numbers, remembering the way they moved, the intensity in their eyes. There's a part of me that feels a pang of something — not exactly jealousy, but a ghost of the life I could have had. Then there's the other side: the knowledge of the physical toll, the constant pain, the bru- tal schedule, the endless pressure. I know what they're sacrificing because I lived it. I see their successes, and I cheer them on, genuinely. But I also see the hits they take, the injuries, the constant grind, and I realize that my path, while un- expected and incredibly difficult, has also given me something invaluable: a different kind of freedom, a chance to rebuild on my own terms. We shared a chapter, a monumental one, and now our books have diverged. And that's OK. It's a delicate dance, trying to maintain those relationships with guys still grind- ing in the NFL. You become incredibly mindful of their time, of their focus. You don't want to be a bother, another dis- traction in a world that demands abso- lute dedication. So, you pull back, some- times out of respect, sometimes out of a quiet fear of being irrelevant. That pulling back, as necessary as it might feel, has a cost. My relationships with my college teammates, these guys who were closer than brothers for years, have felt like they've been growing cold and distant. The constant communica- tion, the shared experience of daily pain and triumph, it just fades. When we get together at weddings or other rare occasions, there's this initial nervousness. It's like seeing strangers at first, these familiar faces attached to lives that have become so different from mine. You shake hands, offer polite greet- ings, and there's an awkwardness that How Trevor Ruhland's Journey Helped Redefine Life After Football Trevor Ruhland (second from right) with his family (right to left): Trevor's wife, Nina Ruhland; mother Lori Ruhland; father Matt Ruhland; sister-in-law Becca Ruhland; brother Colton Ruhland; sister Delaney Ruhland and her boyfriend Nathan Gribble. PHOTO COURTESY RUHLAND FAMILY 16 DECEMBER 2025 BLUE & GOLD ILLUSTRATED